Nom-Able

This may be surprising to some of you, but apparently they now allow omnivores to eat vegan food with out a license or registration or visits from PETA–a fact that was incredibly relieved to discover when I purchased this book with nary a stop nor request for papers. Indeed I, the vegetarian who flirts with meat eating like an abusive boyfriend I can’t be rid of, was free and clear to buy this book and cook recipes from it to my little heart’s content.

You see, I’m an omnivore with vegan tendencies — which is to say when I’m trying to cut costs, I’ll do a week or two without eggs, butter, milk. One pound of cage-free, grass-fed, organic chicken is $8; one pound of tofu is $2.99; butter is $4 a pound, margarine is $2.79. You do the math. And sometimes, when I’m broke or simple have run out of animal lactate or chicken menses to put in my distended gut, I want to have cupcakes.

OH, the joy of cupcakes! So small, so delightful, so full of awesome, goodness, and win wrapped in a teeny, tiny package! But alas, without animals, I will have no sweet treat tonight! Right?

That is where you’re sadly mistaken, my friends. For, you see, vegans have been making cupcakes without animal input for quite some time! And now, they’re letting us have their secret without converting from our barbaric ways! No, we do not have to buy soy yogurt (though some recipes call for it) or some weird, crusty, goopy, crunchy weirdness to have cupcake batter we can eat without fear of salmonella! Oh no, and I tell you this with all truthiness and sincerity I can muster — these cupcakes are NORMAL. They use normal ingredients like shortening, sugar, flour, oil, and margarine — and come on, what dieter doesn’t have margarine in the fridge and isn’t also DYING for some cupcakey goodness, I ask you?

So the secret is out: cupcakes that are animal free, cruelty free (well, except for when you grate your knuckles zesting limes, which I just did) and delicious. And the best part is, you do not — repeat DO NOT — have to be vegan to enjoy them. Yes, omnis among us, you CAN buy this book! No one will stop you! And if it is that slippery slope, that gateway into vegetarianism or…further still you slide…veganism, then animals and your wallet will thank you oh so much!

But not your stomach–put aside any notion of the thin, fainting vegan; I’ve gained ten pounds from this book alone, I swear. Of course, the house being filled with cupcakes every day for the last few months while I worked my way through the book from cover to cover probably didn’t help my waistline either.